Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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