we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
