I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
