He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
