You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
