Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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