I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
