i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
