I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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