the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
