I wish they made helmets for livers.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you pee in the oven last night??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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