Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
