would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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