was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
