i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
