i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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