i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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