Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
