I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
