He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
