Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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