i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
