Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
