I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
