so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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