What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
