We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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