Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
