Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
