Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
