she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
