Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
