buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
