: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
