you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
