After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
