i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
