no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
