he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
