He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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