What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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