I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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