Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
