I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
