She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
