i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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