You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
