tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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