he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
