I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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