I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't notice because vodka
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
